The Realization.

Sitting upon my rotten makeshift bed, I weighed the options of what it was I was about to do. Many twisted thoughts squirming through the mosaic corridors inside my skull.

Unable to fully accept my actions, I took a deep unsteady breath as a consolation prize, and weakly stumbled to my feet.

I twirled the blade between shaky fingers. Taking the first tentative steps from my bed and out into the hallway.

Viscous memories assaulted me within a barrage of painful images of what little I remembered from the last twelve days. Abstract instances played out in what felt like a parody of a horror show. A blend a razored smiles mixed with writhing limbs... I squeezed shut my eyes, taking another deep breath before advancing another few steps.

I was now in the hollow living room, wormy furniture spattered across the wretched area, the very floor beneath me creaking lightly beneath my feathery weight. Promising the splintered wood a sure collapse beneath another ounce of weight.

Little did that mean anything to me, as my eyes were trained intently upon the shadowed mass sitting in the center of the room. Motionless except for the slight rise and fall of her chest.

My breath quickened and I could almost hear my teeth chatter as I struggle to cover the last few feet between me and the unconscious freak. My palms sweaty with an uneasy anticipation that gently warmed up the blade gripped taut in my hand.

As I step before her, a small creak sounds beneath my toes, causing my guest to awake with a frantic shock, groggy eyes glancing around quickly, limbs straining against the bondage, fear quickly taking hold of her posture.

I tried to grin, yet all that I managed was a sickening grimace. And I gently raised a hand and flicked on the lamp above her head. Heat immediately imploded inside the sparking bulb and a bright, yellow light washed harshly over the environment.

Aptly revealing the panicked expression painted upon the girl's face, the tears that poured from puffy red eyes, her exposed chest adopting a rapid rhythm that reminded me of a cornered rabbit....

I could only sigh though, as waiting eagerly at the edge of darkness behind her were two writhing, crooked arms. Leading directly back to the jagged smile that gleamed within the shadows.

"Blllleeeeeddddd Heeerrrrr." I heard the sound seethe from between those lips, pouring out like rusted metal and splashing against my eardrums.

I winced. Looking away from the man with crooked arms, and looking down at the panting little girl before me. I traced my blade along her lips and down her neck, an almost... longing feeling knotting up the inside of my stomach.

I wanted to kill this child so badly.

To see her bleed and moan and die. Oh how I relished even the thought of just killing her. It pumped adrenaline through my silky veins and added a sense of purpose that I couldn't help but feel more powerful than anything fate could thrust at me.

I glanced back up and saw the man with crooked arms closer than he had been a moment ago, that smile wider than ever before...

"Slllliiiiiiiitttttt Heeeeeerrrrrrr." He whispers with a growing rage. My eyes ripping away from him and directing themselves at the child once more, this time my hand snaking out and gripping her tightly by the throat, forcing her to expose her neck, my opposite hand pressing the knife angrily against the flesh.

I felt the knife break the skin and the child start to scream. His smile still widening, my body trembling uncontrollably. And I felt tears begin to flow against my will.

I couldn't...

My body... My mind... my demons... they wanted me to kill again...

But my heart refused to left me.

With a thrust I toss the blade away, embedding it into the wall across the room from me, I'm forcing myself to look away from the child.

"Do NOT Leave THIS." I hear him whisper with a hate that even I felt for myself.

I ignored his threatening tone and turned away from the two.

With an outstretched hand I place my hand quietly upon the light switch and sigh.

While I may not be able to kill, that doesn't stop me from watching someone else.

With a click the room's once again enveloped in darkness.

And all I could hear after that were the screams.


Last Night.

I finally figured out exactly where I stand with my father. I'll struggle to keep this brief but considering what has just happened.... yeah...

The last week I've been trying to retrace my steps. Since my memories of the last four-five months still remain unknown to me except in strange abstract bits and pieces, I've been taking advantage of the current quiet and making as much progress as I can before I need to run again.

Yeah... I don't believe I'm nothing more than a pitiful runner anymore.

I haven't used a fucking knife on someone in I don't know how long. I feel sick when I even try.

I've been paining through these... strange... withdrawals from it too. Leaving me nearly incapacitated and vulnerable to anything, even sickness.

I must admit I'm not doing too well.

Then came last night.

After spending a marathon of thirty hours crouched over the computer tracing memories and attempting to get in touch with any of my former allies... I crashed. Never a good idea. But my composure has been strained so severely that I've started passing out without even checking locks or investigating noises.

I awoke to a blue screen and the pouring rain pelting the only window to my rotten room. My face ached and I could feel a thrum echoing inside my ears.

I groggily got up and dragged my ass into the bathroom for a glass of yellowed water. The lights refused to work, but my idiot ass refused to accept the warning and proceeded to continue on my dreary task in the dark.

After choking down tainted water, I return to the room I had nested in.

And outlined in a flash of lightning was Him.

Arms hanging casually down passed His knees, featureless face staring motionlessly at me. I stopped and just returned the stare. My sleep ridden mind clearing almost instantaneously as I felt a smile rip across my face in excitement.

My father had finally returned for me.

I felt my legs give way as I practically throw myself into His arms. I felt Him embrace me close to Him and I bury my face intimately into His belly and hold back tears as I knew things were going to be better now that He was here to take me home.


He remained emotionless. Holding me close in what felt like a parody of the meaning it was supposed to hold. Confused I look up at Him, exposing my neck, and that's when He finally moved.

His slender fingers slipped and tightened around my throat, cutting off all oxygen from reaching or exiting my lungs. My eyes widen as I feel myself being lifted high into the air, His grip burning my throat as my hands reacted and gripped His arm, trying to pull it away but to no avail.

I'm growing lightheaded now, and panic was coursing through my veins as I tried to understand why He was doing this to me.

Yet as the world started to dim around me, I felt my mind go numb and all I could think about was to escape and I started to kick and flail, scratching at His arm and managing to get my teeth to bury themselves into the flesh between His thumb and index finger.

He kept squeezing tight my throat so I just kept grinding my teeth into his flesh, a cold black liquid squirting and spitting into my mouth as I ended up biting off a large chunk of my father.

He dropped me after that. Staring at His hand oddly as I spat the lump of bloodied flesh to the floor, coughing and struggling to refill my lungs with air.

I could hear the thrum in the room build in volume and I glanced up just in time to see Him whip me across the face with a slim tendril, ripping open my cheek and sending me sprawling across the room.

Numb and with stars still spinning around my head I managed to yank myself to my feet and take off down the hall, my instincts telling me to flee even though I already knew it would take a miracle to escape Him.

And that miracle came in the form of another twisted being standing at the end of the hallway. His crooked arms streaming towards me as an almost inhuman smile tore open that otherwise featureless face.

I tumbled head over heels as I attempted to turn and run away from Him, starting back the way I came until I saw my father standing at the other end, striding towards me with angrily contorting tendrils.

My heart threatened to explode as I looked back and forth and watched as my father and the man with crooked arms grew closer with each glance. I fell uselessly to the ground and started screaming, tears streaming down my face as I squeezed tight my eyes and hopelessly awaited either one of them to reach me first and quell my life forever.

But suddenly it got silent. No longer did I hear anything except for my frantic breaths and pitiful sobs. And it remained that way for a long time.

It was then that against my better judgement I decided to open my eyes.

And saw them both staring right back at me.